i need this to be all better NOW

I feel quite urgently that my health needs to start doing as I bid it.

Short story:  I found out in early August I was pregnant.  I found out in early September I was no longer pregnant, but my body really, really wanted to be.  In mid-September, I had a surgical procedure called a dilation and curettage so I could move on and my husband and I could grieve and try again.  We were told to wait two cycles.

So… I’m waiting.  I’m waiting for cycle one, which is now late, and while this isn’t unusual for those in my situation, it doesn’t mean I have to like it.  Right now, I’m drinking this lovely blend from Yogi, which is a mixture of raspberry leaf, fennel, ginger root, cinnamon bark, and chamomile flower.  It’s called “Moon Cycle Tea” and I’ve decided that it – coupled with some Vitamin C – is going to solve all my problems.

See, there are a lot of things in my life I have no control over.  I feel utterly out-of-sorts with other people, and I never seem to be comfortable enough to know my job is secure except when we’re short-staffed and very busy.  I second guess everything and everyone, but the one thing I have been able to suck it up and deal with is my health.  I’m not perfect – far from it.  But I can work through just about everything and I’ve got all sorts of little tricks for migraines and nausea and cramps and fatigue and pain and just about everything but broken bones, which I’ve never had to deal with.  My menstrual cycle has been tried and true, never daring to falter by a day or more with only three exceptions – twice in college when my life was crazy and I wasn’t eating or sleeping and okay I get why is was very late.  And one other time – when I was pregnant.  Otherwise, the darned thing has been calendar perfect since I was eleven.

I’m just not a patient person.

Let me tell you, it’s awfully difficult to “forgive my body” for failing to carry our child when it can’t even get back with the damn program.

Urgent.” – Daily Post, Oct. 17, 2016

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I strive to be intelligent, creative, brave, strong, patient, kind, and happy. What more is there in this world?

3 thoughts on “i need this to be all better NOW

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