in a hurry

I am the worst person to go to an amusement park with.  I am the worst queuer.  You’d think that with a little bit of British in my blood, and I would be at least moderately tolerable at queueing.  No, unless you can entertain me rather well, I will wait in line for about ten minutes then declare, “Nope! I’m done!”

My husband, who has the patience of a Galapagos tortoise, just rolls his eyes and laughs at me.

I spend all my life in a hurry, jumping from one thing to the next, never content to wait for things to come to me, even if I know the thing coming is good.  Mostly, I think it’s a battle for control.  I don’t like the idea of fate or predestination or luck.  If I can manipulate variables in a situation, then I can be more assured of its outcome.  It doesn’t matter if I’m waiting for someone to arrive (my head’s out the window starting ten minutes before arrival), or to get married (I can’t tell you how many times I asked my husband when he was going to ask me), or for a vacation to come (I’m the one booking nine months in advance).

The problem with being in a hurry for everything is that you don’t enjoy the journey.  I’ve been trying for about three years to slow myself down and enjoy the world as it comes to me.  In that time, I’ve started to mediate, practice yoga, and I make a point to take a moment out of my day to breathe deeply and collect myself.  Why?  Because with incredible impatience, comes things like high blood pressure, panic attacks, and general high stress… migraines, the goods.

It causes more than just health-related troubles – being constantly in a rush for things has ramifications in my job performance, social life, and emotional wellbeing.  Mindfulness is my approach to managing my emotional stress when things aren’t running on a perfect schedule.  If I don’t see people frequently, and don’t hear from them frequently, I tire of waiting and assume they’re dropped me.  And at work?  I see the pileup and feel personally responsible for the entire workload.

This… this is why breathing is important.  I need to learn to wait… to slow down and stop to smell the roses.  It’s not as easy as it sounds to just stop looking at life goals like a check list and discover patience.

And to think this post started with amusement parks.

Waiting.” – Daily Post, Oct. 18, 2016

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I strive to be intelligent, creative, brave, strong, patient, kind, and happy. What more is there in this world?

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