My fourth and final commitment to the new year is less of an overall change, and more of a desire to return to a previous state. I’ve always been a creatively driven person. I love to paint and draw, to bake, to sing, and most of all I love to write.
I’ve been writing stories since I was a little girl. My mother has little picture books I wrote in third grade. Since sixth grade, I have been writing the same story over and over, striving to bring it to perfection. Through NaNoWriMo I’ve been able to finish the first draft of several novels, which I’ve proudly printed and display in my bedroom on their own shelf. None of these are publication worthy – they’re riddled with errors and inconsistencies. But they are my stories and I have enjoyed writing them and reading them again. Some I’ve even been brave enough to share with others. Writing is my passion, and I’ve got so many stories in my head I want to tell.
In the last six months, I haven’t written a word of fiction. I tell myself that it’s because I’m busy, because I’m tired, or because I have no time. Because I’m so exhausted when I come home, I often don’t eat dinner. But we make time for the things in life that are important to us, right? In retrospect, I think perhaps it’s something else… I am largely frightened that I haven’t written because I’ve lost the passion for it. Goodness knows there are many busier than me who have not only written stories, but published them too! I don’t know enough about the publishing business or write stories with good endings or clear plot lines. I know I have work to do, but have I wasted all this time? Has writing been a fancy for me, not a passion or a calling? Is it a waste of my time?
I like to believe that the answer to all those questions lies with me.
In the new year, I want to write. Every day! I want to re-plot out the story I’ve been working on an make sure it has a solid foundation and direction. I want to work on a story – that one story – and make it shine. I want to prove to myself that I can create a whole, readable, book. That the stories I want to tell are ones someone other than myself would hear. It will need to be reconstructed. Character alliances will need to be renewed. But they will come to life.
I’m recommitting myself to writing a book I’ve been writing and rewriting for fifteen years. It’s time to draw up the story in a perfectly marvelous crescendo and give them an ending they deserve.